How’s that for some alliteration?!?

The past week has been BUSY! I have all these things swirling around in my head that I want to write about but when nap time rolls around there are always so many other things that end up needing done before I can sit down at the computer.  In the past 10 days I successfully launched my business with It Works! Global and have hit the ground running, I buried myself up to my neck in planning Rowan’s first birthday party (of which I said would be simple and low key… yeah right!), traveled to Pittsburgh twice (for 5 out of the 10 days), dedicated Rowan at WVC, and celebrated 3 birthdays, Father’s Day, and our 3 year anniversary!  I’m sure there’s more but I’m too exhausted to think about it.

I’m pretty good with handling a busy schedule and Rowan is such an amazing on-the-go, travel buddy but sometimes we just like to take a deep breath and be at home.  The thing is, I thrive on a schedule. Whether it’s a busy day or a stay at home day, I always have a schedule for us.  Rowan now also thrives on a schedule but we are still working on Josh! Ha!  Sometimes I get a little too anal, OCD, or whatever you want to call it, with how and when things are to be done.  Josh’s influence has helped me greatly in this area… it’s part of what he calls me becoming a “transformed woman” …and that will get a little more explanation below, and maybe it’s own blog post some day. Ha! When my every-minute-scheduled habits take over, it turns into me being uber particular about things and my perfectionistic qualities rear their ugly heads.

I have always dealt with being a perfectionist and, unfortunately in the past, when I didn’t reach the expectations I had set for myself, I automatically hopped on the negative self-talk train and would remind myself of all the reasons why I shouldn’t and couldn’t do this and that.  This was the case with grades, sports, relationships, teaching, and pretty much everything.  Actually, most times, I would meet the expectations I had set because I wouldn’t allow myself not to.  This approach led to A LOT of unnecessary stress and anxiety.  It led to Satan being in control of my thoughts and actions.  He knew the best way to take control of my life and he wouldn’t give up.  This was a constant battle.

When Josh and I got married and moved to Morgantown I carried these habits here with me…. they were at their peak because I had just thrown a wedding that I was sure everyone hated attending (satan), went on a honeymoon that I did a horrible job choosing because it rained the whole time (satan), moved away and no one from home would ever make an attempt to talk to me again (satan), would never find a new job or new friends (satan), and so on and so forth.  My mind would always have 3,989,473 tabs open like this. Crazytown.

Slowly, over the past several years, I have finally let God take control of my thoughts on my worth and the idea that I have to be perfect to be loved, successful, or happy.  The “new” me is what Josh calls me being a “transformed woman” and he takes all the credit. But I think he knows he definitely needed God’s help to accomplish the insurmountable task of changing what’s going on in this head of mine haha! It’s still a lot of work for me to slow down and not allow anxiety to take over.  Those of you who know me now and didn’t know me back then are probably thinking “What the heck?!? It was worse??” But this is me making progress.

As I was starting this journey with It Works! I knew I needed to pray that I would not allow satan to take this business that God so graciously and divinely appointed to my life, and make it a way for him to weasel back in to my thoughts.  Boy was satan already on his game though.  In the past two weeks, as I’ve been getting the business up and running, I’ve had all kinds of fights with him, God, and myself.  Things like “God why would you give this to me? Why would I want to try this? You know I’m not good at selling things, talking to people, being healthy, learning, teaching, and so on and so on… over and over…” There have been a few moments when I’ve already wanted to give up because of the negative thoughts.  When thoughts like these come flooding in, they stop me from making progress on anything. Not just the business. They take a toll on my parenting, my marriage, my relationships, and my productivity in general.  When I believe the lies, I become paralyzed in every aspect of my life.

The thing is, I know that I have potential.  I know who I am in the eyes of Christ.  I know that I have a passion for injustices and what people used to call a “save the world” mentality. I know that there were desires and passions placed in my heart for a reason- even when I try to bury them because I deem them too BIG. I know they are there. I know that I’m wired the way I am for a reason.  When my type A, anxious, personality is tended to and has correct delivery, great things can (and will) happen.

With all of that said, the message is this. God uses imperfect people to get His will done. He equips the called, not the other way around. A translation of Eccesiastes 11:4 says if you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. Amen! You have to trust God, get started, and move forward despite your fears and doubts.  In my case this time, fears of not having a perfect, profitable business right from the start.  God calls us to NOT live just a mediocre life. When being a perfectionist paralyzes me, my life becomes mediocre at best.  But because He loves me I can rest in promises like this one from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I can be weak, because He makes me strong. I can be imperfect, because He is perfect. I can let my guard down, because He guards my heart.  I can win the battle again my fears and anxiety because He is fighting the battle for me.

xoxo, Dana

More scripture…

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial.

Galations 6:9 Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Luke 18:1 You must always pray and never lose heart.