Today my second post is up on The Wild Revival blog!! I was so excited (and a little scared) to share about a topic that I really am not entirely qualified to talk about: change.  I know it well, but the handling it well part is fairly new.  But I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’ve mastered it! Ha! I also just finished reading Kristen Strong’s new book, Girl Meets Change, which gave me some great insight on this very topic and did so much for my change-fearing heart! Head on over to The Wild Revival and check out my best advice for handling change with grace!

Thank you so much to Marrissa and Amanda, the girls over at The Wild Revival, for letting me join in your conversation! I’m so happy to be a part of what you’re doing for the kingdom!

During the month of February I will be guest posting over on The Wild Revival Blog! I am so excited to join these ladies who have such a heart for building community and reaching out to women and meet them where they are in every season of life! I am going to be talking about grace and how much it impacts the little everyday things AND the big life- changing things!  Hop on over to their blog to check out my first post!! It’s kind of like a fast track “get to know me” post! I can’t wait to connect with more of you! Leave a few comments on their blog and we’ll get the conversation started!

GO HERE!!

www.thewildrevival.com

I can’t cook worth a darn.  Just last night I attempted potato soup for the first time and after finishing, Josh so nicely said, “This was good but it seemed more like a casserole. Hmm?”  Yeah, I know babe, you’re not supposed to have to use a fork and chew up your SOUP.  Somehow it got super thick and turned into loaded potato casserole. Ugh. Kitchen- 143247983 Dana- 5. (I’ll be kind to myself.) After his comment we also joked about a moment at the very beginning of our marriage when I broke down crying in the grocery store and then again in our kitchen on the floor because I couldn’t find anything in the store, forgot half of the ingredients I needed for meals, and then realized I bought 5 boxes of cream cheese, 100% believing it was sour cream.  Josh told me I’d laugh about it someday, as the tears were streaming down my face about how I’ll never be a good wife or mother.  Three years later, I’m getting there.

I swear I’m not totally incompetent.  I know the difference between cream cheese and sour cream.  I just got so overwhelmed in that moment.  I panic about things that have to do with the kitchen.  How much food? How long? How do you prepare 2 things that both need the oven and 5 things that need the stove without using the microwave that’s going to give all my family and guests cancer.  Deep breath! Phew.  And too bad about the microwave people.  It’s my lifeline.  I cooked spaghetti on Monday and you would have thought the Duggar’s were coming over.  How the heck are you supposed to measure how much spaghetti to make?!??! I think we have 3 lbs of LEFTOVER noodles.

When meal planning, I prefer 10 or less ingredients and lots of pictures.  Case in point, why Pinterest is my favorite “cookbook.” When I was out on my own, yes I grocery shopped, but mostly for the same 5 things: granola bars of some sort, cereal, milk, cheese sticks, and a fruit option.  I think I covered all the main food groups there.  I’m a carb-oholic so sometimes I’d add bagels, crackers, and bread for grilled cheeses in there for kicks. Money was tight, people! And when you’re only one person with a busy schedule, it was always just easier and sometimes healthier to eat out. Not (always) fast food, but yes sometimes fast food. I know you feel me with the Chic-fil-a. Can I get an amen!?

This brings me to now, when I have a family to feed and a home to serve food in. No, I still don’t like to make dinner. But I do like to have people over and have them eat, talk, and relax in our home.  I love the smell of something cooking that you’ll share with others that will be coming over hungry, the candles burning that you light right before they arrive.  I love attempting pies and cobblers.  (Secretly someday I may have an interest in baking.) I love refilling cups and the dirty kitchen that’s stacked with empty plates.

Our little rental is small.  Not like smallllllll small but there’s basically only one room for people to congregate in.  Our table is a tiny square with 3 chairs and most of the time it’s covered in wood boards and paint. When people come over we end up eating on the couch the majority of the time.  Sometimes I wish it could be more formal, maybe not formal, but definitely more normal.  That I could have a table for people to gather around, that I could work on beautiful centerpieces and place settings and add special touches for them to notice when they take a seat.  But thennnn I get off Pinterest because I’m sidetracked and it’s the thief of joy for me (sometimes).

I’ve realized its not about the complexity of my table and my space or the craft of cooking for me. It’s about the community I’m serving.  It’s about the relationships.  This is something I am just now beginning to learn about myself. I always thought being in isolation was what I preferred.  I think as an only child, it comes naturally.  But really that’s not me at all. Satan says, “Be alone Dana. You can’t cook. Or make friends.”  See now I don’t prefer the small talk or surface chatting that comes with the daily grind of meeting and greeting.  I’m horrible at it.  I’m like stick-your-foot-in-your-mouth awkward.  I could write a book with the lines I’ve used during awkward silences.  WHYYY DO THEY EXIST?!? Music should come on or something when that happens. Seriously!

BUT the real, honest, hilarious, life long friendships, those are what I’m made for.  I love my people. The people I’ve clung to in every stage of life that are still there now.  I love when you meet someone that you instantly click with that you know can be in your tribe for life.  When they actually love eating on your couch more than at the table because then we can be all together, under blankets.  The friends that know where the blankets are and just get them, and if I don’t refill their drink, they do it themselves.  Mmmm I just love it.  Friends that know cooking scares me so they pitch in and we tackle it together.  Friends that sleep on your couch because you don’t always have to be filling the silences.  AMEN!! THANK YOU  BABY JESUS!!!

Thinking about leaving our WV people makes my heart hurt.  The same way my heart hurt when I had to leave my Pittsburgh people.  But I take comfort in the fact that even though I left them, they are still my people, because the relationships were built for any storm or circumstance.  What is built around our tables, couches, porches, or floors, isn’t about the food. Because *most* people don’t remember how bad or good my food was. But they do remember how they felt at home when we were all together.  My people are funny people.  We laugh so hard.  We give each other a hard time but we love each other harder.

 

So maybe it’s not so much about the craft of cooking but the craft of creating community for me.  And for those of you that can do the cooking part too… can I come over??

 

~Dana

 

 

 

*photos were found on Pinterest*

18 months.  That’s the number of months left of Josh’s residency.

While dwelling on this number for the past few weeks, I started to realize how much my life has revolved around numbers, or the amount of time left before (blank).  For me it’s always kind of been like: Well in 6 months when I leave for college, I’ll start really figuring out who I am… Once I graduate from college I’ll have an idea of how real life will look and I’ll start living intentionally… Once I find “the one,” I’ll find my worth…  When we get married, life will begin to be easier…  Once we have kids, I’ll find more fulfillment… and most recently… Once residency is over in 18 months, life can really begin.

All of these thoughts have turned into MAJOR life lessons for me and I’ve grown so much along the way.

I didn’t really figure out who I was in college like most people. I’m just beginning to do that now. At 28 years old.  I didn’t really start living intentionally after graduation and I don’t think I really even understood what that means until now.  With God’s graciousness and provision, He placed a lot of people in my life that interceded and really taught me about my worth and how to see myself through God’s eyes and not the world’s.  And about how I don’t need a man to validate my worth.  AND that I needed to find my happiness and worth in Him before He could bring me “the one.”  But when He did bring Josh to me, it couldn’t have been any sweeter.  Getting married and moving away from family and friends BLEW. MY. MIND. way more than I ever though it would.  I cannot express that enough.  Life began alright, but not in the way I fantasized about in my head.  Oh Boy! Thank you Lord for leading us through that first year! When I had Rowan I did feel this amazing sense of fulfillment but it was not in the ways I imagined. My buddy changed my life for the better and added so much joy to our lives but those empty spaces that you think will be filled, will not.  And now here we are 18 months away from another “life changing anticipated moment” that I’ve built up in my head like the others.  I know it’s not going to be this big, “WOOHOOOO!! We are so fulfilled now that Josh has a semi normal life and we can afford takeout dinner without me crying about blowing the budget!!!!!” moment that I’m imagining.

Throughout the years, I’ve missed a lot of right now moments because of my frame of mind. The act of me anticipating and waiting for those next steps has left me spending my “right nows” worrying, planning, control freaking (that’s a thing, right?!), and placing little trust in God for my future and the future of my little family.

Yesterday’s entry in my “Savor” devotional by Shauna Niequist talked about this very topic and God used it to kind of slap me in the face about my “living for what’s next” attitude.  She talks about how when we are constantly waiting for what’s next, we end up on the sidelines of our own lives.  I have all of these big dreams and goals and I’ve convinced myself I can’t do any of them until after residency or after kids.  But I’ve also told myself a lie, that if I don’t complete some of them by 30 years old then I’ve failed miserably.  WHY DO I ALWAYS LIE TO MYSELF?????? This is what Shauna says about waiting for life to start. “I believe there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day.  There may be a thousand tiny moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny flecks of gold.  The big moments are the tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. The big moments are in every conversation, every meal, every meeting.”

We shouldn’t wait for the best version of ourselves or our lives to show up in order for us to show up.  It’s like I need a new chapter of life to change my frame of mind but I know that’s just another lie.  I battle the thoughts telling me that where I am in life presently, is not enough.  But I don’t want that to always be the case. I want to be present with our friends here in WV, present with Rowan while he’s my only baby to focus on (no, I’m not pregnant!), present with the community at our new church, present during these times of pinching every single penny to make ends meet. Josh says I’m going to look back and see this time as the best time of our lives.  So because of that, I want to savor the moments we have left.  It’s ok to dream about what life will be like and what we will accomplish in our next chapter but that doesn’t give me an excuse to miss the one were in.

I challenge you to join me in not missing the moments that are happening right now around us.  As a mom and wife this can be hard but it will be so worth it! Let’s look at Christ, not ahead to what’s next. WE can do this!

And a final sidenote- The “Savor” devo is awesome! I’ve been going through it since this past summer and God has really used it to speak into my life! You can get your own here! It doubles as a cookbook with some recipes that sound AHH-mazing! BUT since I’m scared of the kitchen, I haven’t tried any yet. This hot mess can only tackle one thing at a time and the cooking fear is like 435438th on the list. Why don’t you try them and let me know how it goes!!!

~Dana

 

 

Yesterday I had a small panic attack when I saw that pretty much everyone on my Instagram and Facebook feeds had posted their resolutions, words of the year, blog posts, or new signs/merchandise.  I was no where near ready to post any of that.  I was still in rest and recovery mode.  We had a GREAT Christmas break and I did zero painting and zero worrying. It was awesome! One of my best friends got married on the 2nd and I was the MOH and we had the best time celebrating her and her new husband all weekend.  So that brought me to yesterday, when I just didn’t have it all the way together yet.  I wasn’t ready for the grand entry back into real life.  Piles of laundry were everywhere and there was no food in the house.  I had no inspiring words to write or quotes to paint, and I immediately starting beating myself up about it.  I rarely let myself off the hook when it comes to resting or taking a break.  If I watch tv or read a book during nap time I feel guilty about it all day.  Like there were so many other things I should have been  doing and how dare I sit down.  I know I’ve talked about this in past posts but it’s been a problem lately.  Especially with how busy I was with sign orders before and during the holidays.  I didn’t allow myself to rest for a second.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being busy painting, but it’s ok to not paint while Rowan sleeps sometimes! So with all that being said, I saw a post yesterday on my Instagram that was actually the opposite of the ones I was talking about previously and it was so encouraging to me!!

“With all the words of the year, vision boards, and goals filling our feeds, we wanted to remind you of some truth today: GOOD THINGS TAKE TIME! Today is the first Monday of the new year and if you don’t do anything to meet the goals you wrote out, or if the day doesn’t reflect the carefully- picked photos found on your vision board, give yourself a little GRACE.  Because at the end of the day, grace is what we all need more than anything.” -The Wild Revival

(This came from Amanda and Marrissa, the girls behind The Wild Revival blog.  You need to check them out! http://www.thewildrevival.com  They are West Virginia ladies like myself who are doing great things for the kingdom by connecting women through events and their blog and are creating an awesome community in our area!)

That quote was exactly what I needed to hear. This year I want to give myself GRACE.  During these past few years of marriage, residency, motherhood, teaching, creating, budgeting, eating, pregnancy, and on and on, I have given myself little to no grace.  I stress and worry and feel like I’m holding my breath probably about 80% of the time.  And I know, 100% of the time, that’s not what Christ wants for us.  When I do that, I tell Him that I don’t trust Him, rely on Him, or believe He’s in control.  He gives me the undeserving gift of grace and I need to open my arms and accept it. Josh always tells me that no one is demanding I be perfect or putting pressure on me. I do it to myself. WHYYYY?!?!  This need for perfection and control is a habit that needs to be kicked.

This year while I’m working on giving myself grace, I do have a few goals as well.  (I can’t help it! I’m a planner, producer, and thrive on productivity!)  I want to be more consistent at pouring my heart into this little blog space.  I have SO. MANY. FEELINGS. As I think I’ve mentioned before haha! and I want to share them with you.  I want to keep dreaming BIG and stop listening to Satan who tells me that if I don’t accomplish all my dreams and goals this. instant. then I might as well not try at all. BECAUSE… GOOD THINGS TAKE TIME! And sometimes “my time” is not the “right time.” Which I’ve learned the lesson of many times in the past! (You’ve realized I’m a type A+++ already right?!?) I want to keep creating for you and for myself, fiercely love my husband and baby boy, be a good steward of our money and my time, and work really hard to love the home I have over the next 18 months before we move onto our next phase of life.  But most of all, I want to do those things while giving myself GRACE.  Small baby steps towards BIG, giant, God given dreams.

2016 will be a year of GRACE (and progress) not perfection.

~Dana

I have always struggled with the way I handle the expectations I put on myself. I’m a very hyper-motivated person with an intense fear of failure.  If I’m going to do something, I want it to be awesome. If it can’t be awesome, I beat myself up about it and sometimes I give up totally. I’ve always had a little of this in me but it came on full force in college. The anxiety that it produced actually brought on some very serious health issues.  I’ve since got some of that anxiety under control but it still rears its ugly head every now and again. Who am I kidding?? Like almost weekly… meh… daily. Well I guess I can say it’s not to the same severity but let’s just say that, to this day, I can really only drink decaf coffee because my heart does enough racing on it’s own. I wanted to pinpoint some of the areas where I am really struggling and some areas where I’ve made some progress.  I am going to be totally honest in this post, in hopes that someone who also has ridiculous expectations for themselves, can be encouraged.

Areas I Struggle:

Social Media- This is the definition of a love/hate relationship for me.  I love the connections you make, the networking possibilities, the inspiration and encouragement, and I love seeing life through pictures.  BUT I hate the pressure I feel sometimes from it, the insecurities that come out when people don’t like a sign I’ve worked hard on, when follower counts don’t grow, the time it steals from my day, and the fakeness of it that sucks you in and makes you fall HARD into the comparison trap with the 1,000 other perfect small businesses, houses, and cool stuff.

Ambitions- I have a million things in my mind I want to do! Have a small business making signs, have a legit blog, build a platform, end world hunger, save all the babies, stop human trafficking, protect all of the women and children that are victims of violence, and the list goes on.  Then I look at that list, get super overwhelmed, have no idea where to start, feel like a failure, then say to myself, “maybe tomorrow.”  I feel like the laziest, most motivated person in the world.  Does that make any sense to you? Because in my mind it does. I want to do BIG things.  I want to have a BIG impact.  I want to leave a legacy to my children in more ways than one.  But wow that sounds exhausting and overwhelming and I lack resources, time, and money.  EEK! Butttttt then I’m like oh wahhhh Dana! Just do something! Do you see the battle I face in my mind.  You don’t want a day in this brain HA!

Parenting- I’m a teacher for crying out loud, so there should be projects, and reading activities, and sensory integration happening all over my house right?? Well um no. Sometimes, yes. But not as much as I think I should.  We do lots and lots of play and reading and all kinds of stuff but none of it is really planned out.  Maybes it’s the teacher in me that makes me feel like I should have some sort of lesson plan set up for my kid but I don’t.  Because that’s not real life.  Rowan has had physical and occupational therapy since he was 9 months old because of some leg/ankle/hip issues and some eating issues. Now, 6 months later he has made great progress but now we are facing what could be some speech issues.  He’s super talkative with babble and has great cognitive skills but zero words.  Yes he’s only 16 months old and yes we are just being very proactive but still.  It hurts my mommy/ teacher heart. I feel like I should be able to fix it and I want him to have every opportunity to learn and grow.

Body Image- I am so unbelievably hard on myself when it comes to working out and eating right.  But the thing is, I’m hard on myself mentally but I don’t really ever make big changes or strides to do something about it.  I meal plan, I try diets, I try workout plans. I say TODAY IS THE DAY I WILL START!!! (which is pretty much every Monday) But then I eat pizza or Chick-fil-a and EVERY Milky Way from the Halloween candy and beat myself up about it because to me that it being a total failure.  I know I’m not overweight, but I do like to be fit, and I never really had to work hard at it. Que pregnancy (aka death by puking for me) and I stopped working out completely AND I ate whatever I could hold down (aka hot fudge milkshakes). What they say about not bouncing back as well weight wise after a c-section is no joke!  I can still feel my abs like hit me in the throat when I touch my toes.  At this point, I’m at a now or never crossroads so I can be somewhat in shape before holding the toilet 15 times a day.  AND NO I’M NOT PREGNANT.  It’s just in the back of my mind. But still, I need someone to stand in my living room and yell at me while I work out, so I actually DO IT!!

Areas I’ve Come a Long Way:

Marriage- I was a hot. freaking. mess.  I had no idea what I was doing.  Add in a new state, new job, no friends, and residency and you get the perfect storm for a disasterous first year of marriage.  Josh will say it too, so it’s not new news.  We went to war a few times.  Unhealthy yelling, words you don’t mean, doors slammed, storming out.  The whole enchilada! But I’m here to say that after those first 11 months, when we decided it was time to GET IT TOGETHER, we did.  We found our jam.  And it was loving unconditionally, being more available in every sense of the word (josh), and not being such a spazzy psycho person (me haha). Josh refers to me now as a “transformed woman.” I’m still nowhere near cool, calm, and collected, but surprisingly enough sometimes it feels like I’m headed in that direction.

Social Situations/Relationships-  “ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!” Is all I hear in my mind when I’m trying to talk to someone that I’m not entirely comfortable with in like a one on one situation.  Oddly enough, as much as I hate the clausterphobia of crowds, I’d rather speak to 100 people instead of 1. Probably because there’s less pressure for conversation (and less room for error and for me to say something ridiculous but seriously WHO LOVES AWKWARD SILENCES? I WANT TO KILL THE SILENCE… and I usually do with something SO ridiculous.)  Basically, it boils down to- I’m scared of meeting NEW people.  But that makes life hard when you live new places or try to go to new events because, well, um, IT’S ALL NEW!  Que the panic attack.  Josh says I’m going to have to go out to dinner with some of the surgeons he’ll be interviewing with and their wives and it seriously makes me want to vomit.  BLAH! Oh wait, I put this under “making progress.” Hmm… I go to MOPS and be semi social, I’ve been talking to people I don’t know non stop about making their signs, and played outside with Rowan a few times while the neighbors were outside too. BOOM! Progress.

Finances-  It’s hard to believe I can even say this but it’s true.  With as much anxiety that money has always produced for me, I have actually gotten better.  I used to literally be a Nazi about it.  At the beginning of our marriage I cried and totallyyyyyy lost my cool because I was away and Josh bought $8 Chinese food without seeing if we could afford it first.  I entered Crazy Town.  I take care of all of the money in our house.  I’ve always loved managing my own money, even before we were married and Josh has always hated it so it just happened naturally.  Sometimes the pressure is horrible though.  Especially when it’s more bills than money at times or not enough for this or that.  Soooo I’m the money manager but I’m also the money spender.  Josh NEVER buys anything.  Very, very rarely.  So when I think we need something or want something, a lot of times I’m like oh we can just make that work. When most times I just need someone in charge to say, PUT IT BACK NO NO NO!!! (Dang you, Target Dollar Spot!) My expectations mellow out when we meet goals I set for us.  But truthfully, I mostly just live in money panic mode but try to let the occasional Chinese food slide.  PROGRESS.  I’m looking for positives here people.

What Do Unattainable Expectations Produce: fear, self doubt, anxiety, anger, sadness, and lots of other BAD characteristics.

What I’m Learning:

1. STOP IT! I’m learning that I need to stop doing this to myself. It’s as simple as that.  Nothing positive comes from unhealthy expectations.  I’ve always known that it’s not healthy physically but now more and more I see that mental side of it.  Maybe I’m more in tune with myself or something.  I’m a mom of a 16 month old, with a husband in residency, on a really tight budget, and never a minute to myself.  Maybe I won’t save the world right this minute. That’s OK! Someone tell me that’s ok.

2. EASE UP! My yoga instructor read a passage last week at the end of our practice that really hit home for me.  It talked about how we all need to EASE UP! We cannot let chaos, fear, and negativity control us because then we will never live in the moment or make forward progress.  If I don’t ease up and stop worrying about the way things are, I’m going to totally miss what’s happening right now.  These moments with just Rowan will be gone someday and I don’t want to think about to them and remember how nuts I was about life and money and trivial things.

3. FOCUS ON JOY AND GAIN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE. I need to find joy in the now. I need to find joy everyday.  Even when its gloomy and dark by 5!!! I need an eternal perspective that changes my way of thinking.  None of this is about me at all.  It’s about helping others and leading them to Christ.  It’s about giving other people eternity.  I forget that daily.  I think I need to find joy and contentment for myself and our family and I forget to look outside of us.  And the moments when I do look outside of us and see a need, I rarely act on meeting that need.  We are called to serve and to lead others to Jesus.  Even if I meet every expectation I have for myself but bring no one to Christ, what have I really done.  Nothing.  Think eternally! Are there people you know you won’t see in heaven but you want to meet them there?  Go meet with them now! I’m talking to myself mostly but I hope you will be inspired to change your way of thinking also.

4. KNOW WHAT DEFINES YOUR SELF WORTH. And it’s not any of the things that I have written about above. The only expectation that I have for myself that really matters is my relationship with Christ. And that should be my focus.  You can’t fail at it either which is awesome news! You just have to pursue a God who is already pursuing you.  I saw a quote the other day that said something like “Why do you care how many followers you have? God only had 12.”  And He made a profound impact on those 12 and they changed the world.  He made us for a purpose and though we may stumble along the way to finding what that purpose is, He will always bring us back to the path that leads where we need to go.  IF we trust Him.  My worth is found in Him and He tells me I am His beloved.

5. TAKE EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE.  2 Corinthians 10:5 “…take every thought captive to obey Christ.” I need to start putting my thoughts and expectations through a sieve and take them captive.  If they do not obey Christ then they do not get through.  THAT’S SO HARD.  I start over like every day because most- READ ALL- days I fail.  I simply need to ask myself, is this thought kind, will it motivate me or someone else, does it build someone up, will it let people see Jesus in me, does it move me forward or make me regress?  There are so many more questions to ask about your thoughts but that’s a start.  I want to glorify Christ in my thoughts and actions.  Thank goodness for His grace. I need grace upon grace.

So ladies, with all that said, let yourself off the hook! Breathe! Spend quality time with your family, away from your phone.  YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  Let whatever you did today BE ENOUGH!  We need to take the time to enjoy the good and stop putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others.  I’m all about raising the bar.  But you have to be able to recognize small victories! Today my victory was having lunch with Josh and Rowan, accomplishing a few things on my to do list during nap time, and enjoying sunshine!! Normally I would say I should have done more “work” but today it was enough.

~Dana

 

So I survived my first 3 day craft show! It was a total whirlwind! Now that all of the dust has settled, I’ve decided to put together my top ten takeaways from the whole experience and share them with you! Ready and go….

10. The “Wal-Mart Mentality” struggle is real. It’s sad but the majority of people these days think they should be getting what they buy, no matter where they go, for cheap.  Listen, I want a deal as much as the next person, but you cannot expect something that is handmade and took hours for someone to sit down and make and is not mass produced, to be $9.95.  And it’s also not ok to say “I could so do that myself!” or “I can’t believe she thinks that’s worth that much.” when you are within a 2 ft or even 6 ft radius of the crafter herself. RUDE. I can admit to being someone that is constantly thinking of how I can make things instead of buying them, but it’s down right insulting to have someone say that basically to your face when your blood, sweat, and tears are all over the products in front of them. When you come to a craft show and see things that are hand made (which a lot of the merchandise at this show, unfortunately, was not) you should anticipate paying slightly more for those items.

9. Crafter/vendor “cliques” are a force to be reckoned with. We were definitely outsiders! Oh mannn! These people see each other every weekend all over the country! It was super intimidating at first.  We were getting the evil eye and so many off the wall comments about being first timers at a craft show.  It was like they were shocked that someone new had entered their world. Aside from that though, we did end up making friends with a few of the crafters by the end of the weekend, some of which really helped us learn the ropes! The folks that ran this show from an administration standpoint were amazing to work with also! I’m just trying to forget about the old man that snapped at Rowan during set up on Thursday and was still trying to run me over with his dolly on Sunday!

8. Don’t count on sales until you have the money in your pocket.  We knew this beforehand but it was reiterated at the show.  So many people say “Ohhhhh I love that, I’ll be back!” or on Facebook they are like, “I want that please hold it for me until I get there.” Um no sorry.  You cannot count on people buying your merchandise until they are there with the money in their hand, trading you for their item.  The “be backers” raaarrrely ever come back.  I knew this because I AM A BE BACKER!!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but it’s true.  I have to think on everything I buy.  I get it honestly from my mother who used to wear a winter coat around the store for 2 hours to see if she wanted it and thennn deciding that she needed to go home and think about it some more. People also don’t want to feel pressured and that’s fine, no pressure.  But I’m sorry we can’t hold a sign or chart with your name on it until you’ve given us the payment.  It’s just not wise on our part.  If they really want it, they’ll buy it then. And if they don’t and they come back and it’s gone… you give them the ol’ “I TAKE CUSTOM ORDERS!” schpeel and BAM! you close the deal.

7. There is no science behind ANY of it. We spent a lot of our time trying to figure out the science of the craft show.  Don’t waste your time.  It’s IMPOSSIBLE! So many things impact your success and there are so many variables. Andddd it will be different at every show you go to. Does it matter that you’re in the front or the back? Do people walk to the left or the right when they come in? Do the “be backers” actually ever come back when they say they will?  Should you stand or sit? Should you talk to people or leave them alone?  Are shows slow on holiday weekends? Does daylight savings effect attendance?  Does the SES in the area matter? Will people from out of town travel to the show?  Is it busier when the sun shines or when it rains? And on and on and on. THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW ANY OF IT SO JUST STOP. (or you’ll exhaust yourself like we did.)

6. Stand by the price you think your product is worth. it is important to value what you do but also equally as important to be realistic.  We went back and forth with our prices before the show, during the show, and after the show.  You’ll never know for sure what the “right” price is because as you try to figure it out you’ll be considering all of the sciences I just spoke of in #7 and you’ll hurt your head.  It’s always going to be “too much” for someone and, at the same price, someone will pay no problem, and maybe even comment that it’s “a steal.”  As we were talking to one of the other vendors, she gave us some really great advice.  She said that we just need to know that someone is always going to complain about the cost of handmade items but to never be wishy-washy with our prices because then people can sense that you don’t believe in your own work.  She also added that, unfortunately, you will probably never make back the cost of the amount of time you put in.  Ashton and I put in so much time!!! All while wrangling toddlers and a million other things, and as we were calculating our costs we were trying to figure out how much we’d make “an hour” or something to that affect.  When you give up time with your family and kids, there will never be enough money for it.  But if you are doing something that you love doing, then it makes it worth it.  Just know it is highly unlikely that you will “make back your time.”

5. Your display matters. It’s totally my happy place to decorate and plan this sort of thing. I was all about it! It kind of snuck up on me because you spend so much time prepping merchandise and all of a sudden it was a week out and we hadn’t thought of how we’d even set it up. We ended up bringing every decoration between the two of us that we thought had potential and put it all together on Thursday morning. With Rowan as our side kick. YIKES!  Our booth was definitely the only one of it’s kind and it took some skills (and barely any decor) when we realized how small 10×10 really is.  In our minds we had all kinds of room. And walls. For some reason we thought there’d be walls around us. Um no! But with a few pallets and some folding tables we were in business.  The pallets saved our lives and all the veterans just looked at us like crazy people with our drills and duck tape trying to put together make shift walls. And in the end we made it exactly what we wanted it to be.  We knew we wanted it to look good but we didn’t realize how much the display really mattered until people were giving us compliments about it and they kept saying how they saw this booth on Facebook and it looked so cute and that’s why they even came to the show. You want your display to draw people in. You want it to feel spacious but cozy and most importantly, you want it to be you. You should be proud of what you have set up and proud to bring people to your booth to see your work.

4. Find your people. The majority of the people that attended this show were not “our people” as we ended up branding them. What I mean by that is, unfortunately, there were not as many people as we had hoped that had an appreciation for our style of work.  Now don’t get me wrong, we met so many amazinggg people that were super encouraging, so fun to talk to, and we loved sharing our creations with them! And when those people that were “our people” found us, they were just as excited because we were the only ones of our kind there. But on the other end of that, we learned a big lesson.  It’s important to really research the show you are interested in before you apply.  Look at pictures and descriptions of what they other vendors are bringing, look at pictures of years past, and read reviews about the show from previous shoppers.  This will help you figure out if you are drawing in a crowd that will love what you have.  It’s not enough to go on the fact that they have a large attendance if most of who is attending will walk right past you.

3. Share the experience with a friend. Do not do your first show alone! I could not imagine having gone through this whole experience without Ashton.  We figured out every. single. thing. together… from building, to marketing, to where to stick a price tag.  You need someone who understands what you’re going through and who you can bounce ideas off of with every detail.  We were closing deals on each others merchandise by the end of the weekend.  It can really be an emotional roller coaster throughout the show (before and during) so you need a friend you can vent to, celebrate with, and someone to help you figure out what to do with your hands. Thank you for that.

2. Have a great support system. I could not have done all that I did, without the support of my family and friends. Josh was constantly telling me, during my “what was I thinking” meltdowns, that it doesn’t matter if I sell one thing.  He was still proud of me and as long as I was enjoying it, that was all that mattered.  My father-in-law helped me build and cut pallets and taught me how to use a nail gun and a table saw. Everyone else was cheering me on with kind words, offers to babysit, and just lots of love.  Now, although they all lied to me and told me I’d sell out, I still love them and am very thankful for that extra boost! HAHA! (maybe someday when I find “my people” I’ll have a sell out!) I also have the motivation that is to help my family stay afloat while I stay at home with Rowan.  I love being at home with him and when you have to still pay the bills (and there are more bills bc you just have a baby and now have a child to care for eek!), it’s motivation to give it everything you’ve got.  We went all in this time and the return was awesome!

1. The rewards might not be measured in sales. Although we had a successful weekend, the best advice I can give is not to measure your success or let your worth be decided by your sales.  That is VERY hard to do.  You think the second someone walks in your booth and walks out empty handed that they hate you and you should stop doing what you love immediately.  LIES! It’s easy to think that if you don’t sell every thing you bring, you fail. Also a lie! Even though our sales were great and, on Sunday, totals were all I could think about, today that’s not what’s on my mind.  Now I’m thinking about the woman who is expecting who bought a sign she loved and told me she plans to build their nursery around it. And the college girls who walked through once and loved everything and came back to visit again and just stood and talked with us about life and the funniest part of the whole weekend is them looking at each other and saying “#goals” about our lives! If they only knew! haha If you’re reading, girls… look back at a few posts and you’ll see I’m actually a hot mess! 🙂 We were told so many stories about the way grandparents had written on their walls to measure height in old farmhouses and about the memories that are going to be made around Ashton’s growth charts. So many people were so supportive, telling us how beautiful our work is and that they were so happy to see us.  That is what made the show.  That is what kept us going when we felt like we couldn’t be social with one. more. person. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts to everyone who came and cheered us on and gave us kind words and lots of encouragement! It did not go unnoticed! So with all of that being said, do not underestimate your impact, no matter what your totals tell you.

Hope this helps all of the people who have asked what I thought or what my advice would be for them! It was totally chaotic but that’s life and I secretly love it! Go Big or Go Home…  None of this halfway stuff!  If you want to give something a shot. DO IT! Make it happen. There will never be a “good” time and you’ll never know unless you try! I’m sure you’ve heard it all before but it’s all so true and I’m so glad that, for once, I took all of those words seriously! I’m excited for what’s in store for My Paper Nest!

Stop by my Etsy site if you want to see what’s up for grabs! Get your Christmas shopping done!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/mypapernest!

~Dana

Craft show weekend is upon us! I can’t believe it’s here. I managed to get over 100 signs done in about a month and a half! Phew! I have no idea if that’s not enough or too many but I just did as much as I could.  I really haven’t had time to think about anything but sawing, staining, sanding, scripting, repeat.  That is until this past week when all of the dust started to settle, and then I started freaking out.  Like heart racing, can’t sleep at night stuff.  So silly, but so me.  All of sudden all of these feelings set in like “What if everyone hates every single thing I’ve made? And what if I’ve invested this time and money and there’s no return????” Those feelings were mixed with, “What the heck were you thinking??? Are you crazy? Do people even go to craft shows in WV??? They have to be lying when they say 10,000 people go to this thing!!”  And on and on and the crazy train ride just got longer and longer.  I am going way out on a limb here and way out of my comfort zone.  I prefer to stay in my little bubble, aka my house, sell to people I know, and very nonchalantly run a “business.”  But going to a 3 day craft show, where people can judge you and you display your hard work out there for the world to see, and you take business cards to pass out… EEK!  I have this little (lots of times, big) desire in my heart to have a thriving small business.  I LOVE making things.  It’s my happy place.  I love how happy the things I make, make other people.  But I don’t necessarily have all of the tools and skills to carry out all of the responsibilities of being a small business owner.  My marketing and tech skills aren’t great (sometimes I can’t figure out how to use this blogging site haha) and I struggle with making people pay for things and giving everyone a deal instead of charging what my piece is actually worth.  This hasn’t allowed for much of a “business” to grow.  But all the while, I’m still loving all my little projects and making them for people who also appreciate my work.

With that being said, we can go back to the crazy train of fear I’m on right now as I get ready for the weekend.  I know it will be a great learning experience and Josh keeps telling me there’s nothing to lose and just to have fun.  I have no idea why he’s not worried about making our money back or losing our dining room FOREVER too all of the signs and my crafting crap.  Probably because he doesn’t know what the feeling of worry is and wouldn’t be able to identify it even if he did feel it.  He’s never felt worry or stress. He’s a freak of nature. This one time we were on the phone right before our wedding and there was A LOT going on and he mentioned being “a little overwhelmed” and I thought for sure we were entering the end times.  But, I help out by feeling enough for the both of us… and the whole Morgantown area.  🙂  So here I am, trying to put myself in the mindset to have fun and enjoy it. Unfortunately, I’ve ruined a lot of what should of been great times with my anxiety. i.e. my own wedding day. So sad.  I’ve come a longggggggg way from there but Satan knows my weaknesses and this is surely one of them.  I’m super sensitive and susceptible to social anxiety, fear of judgement by others, and the fear of failing while the whole world is watching (or maybe just you guys and all of the craft show shoppers, but still.) It paralyzes me at times and literally leaves me hiding from my neighbors.  It’s mildly laughable, especially to Josh.  I have to laugh at myself about it because if not, I’ll hate myself.  I’ll give you an example of a (now) hilarious story that we always laugh about.  I went outside when we first moved here to get something from our car and the neighbors across the way were unloading their car.  I got soooo nervous and didn’t know what to say. All of a sudden word vomit came flooding out of my mouth and I ASKED THEM IF THEY WERE GOING CAMPING. WHAT?!?!?! They had bags in their hands and dress clothes on!  But for some reason my mind said, “Oh look, a backpack, a stroller, and a skirt. Clearly they’re on their way to a campsite.”  SOOO RIDICULOUS.  I laugh (and convulse) every time I even think of it.  So I can just envision myself at this show being like, “Oh hey, do you need this sign to hang inside your tent?” AH! Maybe my people skills are actually the demise of my small business endeavors. Who knows! Haha!

But anyways despite all of that.  I really do love people.  I really do love making things.  And I really do love being able to help provide for our family while getting to stay home with Rowan.  You can’t beat it.  It’s scary, risky, and not exactly steady, but there’s passion, drive, and lots of joy.  Josh kept asking if I was sick of painting yet and even after every day for a month and a half, I have still enjoyed myself.  I now have arthritis but my heart is happy!  Glennon from momastery.com always says, “pray and just show up.”  Put the hard work in like it depends on you and then just pray, show up, and leave the rest to God. You don’t have the skills you need to fulfill a task, just show up.  You don’t have a clue what you’re doing or going to do? Work hard and then just show up.  So that’s what I plan to do.  I worked hard and now I’m going to just show up…. for 3 days in a row I might add haha! I have no idea what to expect but I hope to meet people that I can impact or that somehow down the road My Paper Nest can impact them. Not going to lie, I have no clue how that’s going to look and honestly, it’s exhausting for me to be social with people I don’t know well.  I’m whooped afterwards. But I can handle smiles and hellos like a champ!!

So if you’re wondering if I have a point, I do, and here it is. I really need to stop being so hard on myself.  And you do too.  We need to stop doubting ourselves and living in fear. Worry is not a feeling God gives us.  Worry has Satan written all over it. Do you have a dream, a passion, or a tiny vision of something you’d love to do.  DO IT. Pray about how. Pray about how God can use you and the resources you DO have RIGHT NOW to serve Him.  I pray all of the time about how I can be used because half of the time I feel useless.  My Paper Nest was a little step in a positive direction for me.  I want it to be about Him and be an outlet for me to spread love and serve.  Do you constantly think about what others are thinking about you? I can’t do that because they’ll think I’m crazy or they’ll think I’m not a good mom, or co worker, or cook, OR WHATEVER! I fall victim to these thoughts daily.  It’s saddening to reflect on how often I do.  I’ve held myself hostage in my own home over these thoughts.  I don’t want Satan to win. I want to be an overcomer. A Conqueror.  In Romans 8 it talks about how Christ is always interceding for us and that nothing and no one can separate us from His love.  Through Him we are MORE than conquerors.  We are His.  He’ll show up and carry us through.  Through anxiousness, financial hardship, loneliness, fear, persecution, distress, or whatever it is that you are facing.  All of these things can make you feel so far from Him, but they do not stand in the way of your relationship with Christ.  Cling tight to Him and He will redeem you.  Our God is sovereign.  He goes before us.  He already knows your heart and has gone before you and made a way for you to leave an impact.  Big or small impact, it doesn’t matter. He sees them all the same.  We can take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:33) and this includes all of the lies that we fill our hearts and minds with.  In Romans 8 it also says that all of the things we cannot do on our own (with the flesh) we can do with the Spirit (with Him).  If we set our mind on the Spirit we will have life and have peace.  Who doesn’t need some peace? Amen?!  I’m counting on Him for peace and to keep my social anxiety to a minimum. AND praying my off the wall comments are limited.  I think it’s safe to say that no one at this craft show just got back from a camping trip.

Friend, be honest with yourself.  Are you trying to do it all on your own, by the flesh? Or are you inviting Him in, asking for a peace that passes all understanding and a love that nothing can separate you from?  I’m hoping to do better at inviting Him in, because doing it all on my own, definitely has not worked out for me to this point. Read Romans 8 for yourself and let me know how it impacts you. You may need to read it once a week or once a day (like me) to remind yourself of His love for you but do what it takes.  You are His and He is Yours and don’t you forget it!

-Dana

Just a little added plug:

West Virginia Arts and Crafts Christmas Spectacular

Ruby Community Center at Mylan Park

Friday and Saturday 10-5, Sunday 10-4

A few extra sign sneak peeks below!

After the show you’ll be able to check out what’s leftover or what’s new to come at http://www.etsy.com/shop/mypapernest!

I have come out of my craft show prep hibernation to share with you something else I finally finished! This last month has been crazy busy and I really haven’t left my little painting cove that I’ve created in my dining room.  It’s a HOT. MESS. But I’m loving all of the creating and brainstorming I’m getting to do and I love seeing these signs come to life from start to finish.  SO FUN!

I love DIY projects.  All crafting, repurposing, and decorating projects make me so happy.  Really every single thing I see on Pinterest or TV or anywhere really, I’m thinking, “How did they make that and how can I make it myself but for cheaper?”  It’s like a sickness.  Josh makes fun of me all the time for it.  But I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I can’t even deal. I get excited just thinking about what my next project could be. I have a problem and admitting it is the first step. HA! It’s a good thing we only have a small townhouse with limited space for crap because I also don’t like clutter, so right now I’m on hold for new projects for our own house…. until I get desperate and just sell what we do have and then I can start over.  Which I’ve done like twice in the last 3 years.  I think that’s why I love to paint all of these signs for the craft show and for people’s orders.  I get to make a ton of cute stuff and get it all out of my system but then it doesn’t stay here and take up space.  Josh loves that part haha. It’s a win- win.

So anyways back to the reason for this post- to share my newest DIY furniture refurbishing project.  This will be my last one for awhile because we have no more wall space. Sad face.  I have been on the look out for a buffet with a hutch or just a buffet for awhile now.  I was hoping for one that had great storage and was rather large and sturdy.  I have this one wood wall- ugh- that needs a good piece of furniture against it to help it not be so intense.  Listen, I’m all for a nice reclaimed wood wall or even some shiplap or low tone wood BUT our wall is like orange oak that runs diagonal on this huge wall in our dining room.  Our landlord loves it.  I however do not.  We aren’t supposed to hang anything on it so that keeps me from having another gallery wall (which I’m also obsessed with).  So I was looking for a buffet and I couldn’t find anything in our budget.  Which was pretty much zero, but I was willing to make an exception for the perfect piece.  Everything on Craigslist and at yard sales were in the $300-$500 price range. Not happening.  I was even considering building one using plans from http://www.ana-white.com, my most favorite website of all time. Go there and explore.  AMAZING. But I don’t have the space to build or all the tools I need right now.  SOOO moral of the story… one day this summer I was scrolling through the Morgantown Yard Sale Facebook site and there it was, the perfect buffet, for $100.  I immediately messaged the woman and went to look at it that day.  We only have small cars, but she wanted rid of it so badly, her and husband even brought it to our house for us.  This thing is solid.  It doesn’t have a hutch but that’s ok!! It had all the shabby chic accents and potential I needed.  She said it had been in her family for a long time and when I mentioned that I was going to refurbish it and that I didn’t care about the dings and small scratches, she was so excited to see it have new life! Josh, on the other hand took a little talking in to.  He knows my habits of bringing home crap furniture to make it new again and ONE time – ONE TIME PEOPLE- I brought home this reallllllllyyyyy crappy desk from the REuse Habitat for Humanity store and it was beyond repair, broken all over, and it went to the garbage a few months later.  That’s the thing that I’ve learned with refurbishing though.  It can be REALLY ugly. But it can’t be broken.  Paint and sand paper can’t fix broken. His thing is, as long as it can survive our move after residency, I can have it.  If it’s going to break when someone picks it up, then NO.  So back to my buffet.  This thing is solid wood, HEAVY, and has tons of storage.  It’s got drawers and shelves, and drawers inside of shelves, and doors to hide it all. Glorious. I’ll also mention that previously we had a storage shelf here that was from Target and it had the square openings for baskets, etc.  It worked well for awhile until Rowan decided that he needed to take everything off of the shelves every day.  Hence the need for the doors.  The Target shelf and baskets made their way to our bedroom for extra storage up there! Here is a picture of it before, when it was first dropped off!

I use my Annie Sloan French Linen chalk paint and did one coat.  This paint is AMAZING.  It doesn’t matter what the surface is like that you are painting. You don’t have to sand or prime first, you just go for it.  It’s a little pricey but one can has lasted me 4 large pieces of furniture with still more to spare.  After you paint, you seal it with an Annie Sloan wax coat.  I use her clear wax but there’s also has a dark wax for a more antiqued look.  The wax makes your piece waterproof and pretty scratch proof. I learned my lesson on waxing from my previous pieces that I did.  You DO NOT need a lot.  A little wax goes a very long way.  Rowan’s dressers in his nursery were my first pieces I use the paint on and I swear 2 years later, they still feel waxy. They’re beautiful and work great in there but my waxing definitely got out of hand lol.  I’m not sure if I did the steps correctly this time, but I actually sanded and got the shabby chic, rustic look I wanted, after painting and before waxing. I think you are technically supposed to wax before sanding, but it all worked out ok! The piece turned out awesome.  I could not be happier with it! And it is perfect size wise to display my yard sale window pane that “I didn’t know what to do with but desperately needed.” A statement I make regularly. 🙂

Here is the AFTER!!! WOOHOO! Isn’t she a beaut!? (You’ll also notice my large 80’s style wood wall. 🙂

I thought I’d show you a few more pieces I’ve done throughout our house as well.  Pretty much everything we own has been free, handed down, or under $10 from a yard sale or antique store. The buffet is the only exception to that but I mean c’mon. It’s SO COOL! And I rationalize it to Josh by saying, now that I redid it, I could probably sell it if necessary and make a major profit on it!

I can’t find before pics of these others but just trust me, they were all ugly haha! This sofa table was from The Ranch consignment furniture shop. It was originally a very dark wood that was SO shiny and yucky! I primed it, painted it white, distressed it, then did a coffee stain over it using reallyyyyy strong black coffee! And I thought I’d show off one of my favorite gallery walls. It’s upstairs so no one really sees it but us, but I love it! Give me ALL. THE. NEUTRALS.

This is our coffee table after.  The before was an orangey looking, shiny, pine table.  This thing is now very distressed and worn and I wanted it that way because I wanted it to be able to weather a lot of wear and tear. I sanded down the top and did a stain wash on top with ebony stain.  Then I painted the bottom white.  It used to be decorated all pretty with books and jars. But then came along a 15 month old tornado and I said bye-bye to all the nice things I had at his level haha!

The next to are our end tables that I have in the living room.  The first one is from an antique shop that was $3 I think.  I was mustard yellow and I just painted it with some green paint that I had and then dry brushed it with a brown/ taupe color! The second one is a table that Josh brought into the relationship. It was a dark brown, shiny wood that was pretty dinged up. I sanded in down, painted it with an aqua color and then dry brushed it with a mint color.  Pretty much all of my paint comes from clearance samples at Lowes.  You can get little tiny tubs for like $3 and that is plentyyyy of paint for these little pieces.

This is our dresser in our bedroom that was given to us for free.  All I did here was prime it, throw on some khaki sample paint and some new knobs! It was probably under $10 for this project! And just excuse the overflowing jewelry box on the corner.  I don’t organize EVERYTHING in my life haha I had to close half of those drawers just to take the picture!

These are Rowan’s dressers that started out as mine many, many years ago! They were actually a family friend’s before that and then after I was done with them, my mom used them for awhile.  Now here they are, with new life, in the nursery! They were that cheap looking, shiny wood before.  These were my first project with Annie Sloan paint and they are the ones I mentioned are a little waxey but overall I love how they turned out! I added new knobs and pulls to too and waha-la! Like new!

Anddd I’m just going to throw a gallery wall in there for kicks! This is the new one I did this summer over our couch in the living room. I have collected so many frames over the years, either free, clearance, or handed down.  If I’m working on a gallery or something else and the frame I have just doesn’t match or fit, I just sand or paint it to make it look the way I want.  Most of the frames in my house have been redone 2 or 3 times and I bet it’s safe to say that very few of them are their original color.  This saves lots of money and for the amount of times I like to change my decor, it’s the only way to go.  In a few months when I decide I want the walls to look different, I just move things around, paint, sand, etc, and BOOM, it’s like new!

I hope you enjoyed this little refurbishing tour.  Please share in my excitement over the buffet because Josh just does not have the same appreciation for these things as I do! haha MEN!!! Sheesh! Although the other day he did randomly say, “Wow that actually looks really good.” So I’ll consider it a success!

Thanks for stopping by!

I can’t believe I haven’t written in almost a month.  August was a full month… our vacation to the Outer Banks, DIY projects, craft show prep, a sick baby, I digress… So Monday morning I started writing up a nice post that I planned to finish and post on Tuesday.  It was all about getting myself motivated in September, setting goals, and actually accomplishing all of the things that fell into the category of, “I’ll start that in September.”  Wellllllll then the rest of Monday happened and Tuesday happened. And lets just say it’s Dana- 0, This Week-2 (well until today because I made it through without needing to call the police… so technically I have 1 now! Woohoo!) To fill you in, Monday I needed to run to Target “real quick” -if that’s a thing- and I got out of the car, put my keys in the diaper bag next to me, locked the doors with the button the the driver’s side door, and then proceeded to shut the door WITH ROWAN STILL IN THE BACKSEAT. Now mind you, it’s 90 degrees at 11 AM and my child already sweats like a pig when there’s a chill in the air.  Holy meltdown-freakout-hyperventalation- tears- you get the picture. Well longing story short, 12 minutes, 1 police officer, 2 target employees, 5743859743 onlookers, and 1 husband later, Rowan was out and in my arms again.  Soaking wet but still smiling.  I have no idea how it happened. It was like in seconds I totally forgot what I always do and just screwed up royally. I always stick my keys in the bag, grab the bag, get Rowan, and then lock the car with the car key.  Why that didn’t happen this time is beyond me.  I was so upset with myself and now I’m even more upset with the people that think it’s ok to just let their babies sit in the car while they grab something real fast. WHAT?!?!

Now we can move on to Tuesday.  You had to call the police again, Dana? Why yes, yes I did.  My friend Christina and I finally decided we were going to make it to our yoga class. Since we go to a late class, we can park in this bank parking lot near the studio because it’s after hours.  I parked in the drive thru lanes just like I always do.  Well, last night I came out at 9pm and my car was gone.  There was a car parked exactly where I WAS parked and it blew my mind.  A girl that was in the class with us came out and got into THAT car and drove away.  I thought I was going crazy.  My first thought was that it was stolen, and then my next thought, which is more on the reality level in downtown Morgantown, is that it was towed.  Now this longggg story short, after talking to the police and searching Morgantown for the tow truck lot, we figured out my car had been towed.  They said I was blocking the ATM aka ‘ambulance’ lane at the bank.  There were some cars that parked perpendicular to me and our conclusion is that they should have been the one(s) towed because their butts were in the lane but Josh says maybe because I was the only one accessible to the tow truck and people could go around those other cars and still fit in the lane, is why they took me.  The really AWESOME (read CRAPPY) part of this story is that I had to pay $164.95 to buy my car back from them.  KILL. ME. NOW.

So needless to say, after returning home from my second traumatizing ordeal in two days I totally forgot about editing my post last night or even posting at all.  I went to bed with a heavy heart feeling overwhelmed, angry, embarrassed, frustrated, useless, and like this was the worst possible timing to have to dish out $164.95 (there would never be a good time for that).  Yes it’s funny in some ways and today I’m laughing at both situations but I wasn’t last night at 11pm.  I woke up today still wanting to stay curled up in a ball, afraid of what I might screw up today.  Satan has already been working hard on me lately with feeling like my purpose is undefined, this blog space is meaningless, finances suck, and living here is hard. And he found the perfect time to make his grand entrance while I was beating myself up over these recent mishaps.

This morning I did not want to read my Bible while Rowan napped, I wanted to drown my sorrows in Ellen, butttt I read it anyway.  I opened right up to Esther, chapter 4 and almost turned the page because I just finished reading that book of the Bible for a study I did, but something kept me there.  I remembered that this was one of my favorite parts of her whole story so I went back to my notes to review and what I found just blew me away.  I don’t know why it did because, by now, I should know that God is bigger than all of this.

In Esther 4:14 it says “…and who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Mordecai was speaking these words over her life because he saw God’s purpose in Esther’s life.  He was proclaiming the truth.  And can I just say Esther is awesome.  She could have run because she was uncomfortable, scared, and discouraged, but she didn’t.  She was in a place away from everyone and everything she knew, where she never imagined she’d be. BUT she stayed because she knew she was right where she NEEDED to be, in the place God wanted her.  She had been created for that moment.

I started comparing myself to Esther and thinking about how I would have responded and honestly I didn’t have to think hard because here I am in Morgantown, 3 years later, and sometimes I still feel like I’m in a far away place, I never imagined being.  And I still sometimes lose my cool about having to be away from “home.”  MOVE ON, DANA. I know.  Just give me the cheese to go with my whine.  But the next part of this devotion hit the nail on the head.  God has me (and you) exactly where He wants us. Where you are right now is your “kingdom.”  I can try pretend that this 5 year blurb of chaos doesn’t exist, where cars get towed and husbands work long, but it does. And there is purpose to it.

I want to share a piece of what Elisabeth had to say…

“We all have different “kingdoms.” Each of us has been lead to a different destination, by a different path, journeying through unique circumstances to get where we are today. Where you are right now—where He has you in each moment—that is your kingdom. That very place is the piece of God’s Kingdom that He has entrusted to you. Whether you believe your kingdom is substantial or completely irrelevant, it is still yours and it is still His. You are still His. He has brought you here on your journey for such a time as this… We are like Esther in many ways, trying to make sense of what the Lord’s will is in our lives. It is only with His strength that we make the decision to say “yes” right where He’s called us. Esther could have, without thinking twice, decided she was too scared or anxious to take her request before the King—but she said yes.”

I want to say yes to being positive even when I want to be SO ANNOYED, yes to being productive instead of just busy, yes to being intentional instead of accidental, and yes to being confident instead of living in fear. I want to be obedient like Esther where “…her silent following of God was met with favor and influence.”  God’s hand is so evident in her journey and I want it to be evident in mine.  If He placed this blog on my heart, I’m going to write, even if only one person in Alaska reads my words.  I’m going to reach out instead of bunkering down for the next 2 years in that curled up ball I mentioned earlier.  We did not end up where we are, in our current situations, on our own.  God chose us.  But we have to choose how we react and if we will complete the tasks He sets before us.  “God gives us purpose in this very moment, and in this kingdom.” Our job is to seek him with our whole hearts, call upon Him, and pray to Him.

Where are you right now? What has God given you as your “kingdom?” What do you need to overcome and bring to the Lord in prayer that feels too big? What’s that barrier that has you curling up in a ball and possibly missing your “for such a time as this” moment?

 

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  Isaiah 49:9-10

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

 

ANDDD here are a few pics after our Target incident.  And yes that’s all sweat on Rowan and me all disheveled. My poor buddy! And he clung to Daddy after, probably afraid to be left with his unfit mother! HA! Just kidding. He always hugs Josh like that. Daddy always gets hugs and Mommy always gets the kisses.  Thank you, God, for protecting my sweet boy!