Craft show weekend is upon us! I can’t believe it’s here. I managed to get over 100 signs done in about a month and a half! Phew! I have no idea if that’s not enough or too many but I just did as much as I could.  I really haven’t had time to think about anything but sawing, staining, sanding, scripting, repeat.  That is until this past week when all of the dust started to settle, and then I started freaking out.  Like heart racing, can’t sleep at night stuff.  So silly, but so me.  All of sudden all of these feelings set in like “What if everyone hates every single thing I’ve made? And what if I’ve invested this time and money and there’s no return????” Those feelings were mixed with, “What the heck were you thinking??? Are you crazy? Do people even go to craft shows in WV??? They have to be lying when they say 10,000 people go to this thing!!”  And on and on and the crazy train ride just got longer and longer.  I am going way out on a limb here and way out of my comfort zone.  I prefer to stay in my little bubble, aka my house, sell to people I know, and very nonchalantly run a “business.”  But going to a 3 day craft show, where people can judge you and you display your hard work out there for the world to see, and you take business cards to pass out… EEK!  I have this little (lots of times, big) desire in my heart to have a thriving small business.  I LOVE making things.  It’s my happy place.  I love how happy the things I make, make other people.  But I don’t necessarily have all of the tools and skills to carry out all of the responsibilities of being a small business owner.  My marketing and tech skills aren’t great (sometimes I can’t figure out how to use this blogging site haha) and I struggle with making people pay for things and giving everyone a deal instead of charging what my piece is actually worth.  This hasn’t allowed for much of a “business” to grow.  But all the while, I’m still loving all my little projects and making them for people who also appreciate my work.

With that being said, we can go back to the crazy train of fear I’m on right now as I get ready for the weekend.  I know it will be a great learning experience and Josh keeps telling me there’s nothing to lose and just to have fun.  I have no idea why he’s not worried about making our money back or losing our dining room FOREVER too all of the signs and my crafting crap.  Probably because he doesn’t know what the feeling of worry is and wouldn’t be able to identify it even if he did feel it.  He’s never felt worry or stress. He’s a freak of nature. This one time we were on the phone right before our wedding and there was A LOT going on and he mentioned being “a little overwhelmed” and I thought for sure we were entering the end times.  But, I help out by feeling enough for the both of us… and the whole Morgantown area.  🙂  So here I am, trying to put myself in the mindset to have fun and enjoy it. Unfortunately, I’ve ruined a lot of what should of been great times with my anxiety. i.e. my own wedding day. So sad.  I’ve come a longggggggg way from there but Satan knows my weaknesses and this is surely one of them.  I’m super sensitive and susceptible to social anxiety, fear of judgement by others, and the fear of failing while the whole world is watching (or maybe just you guys and all of the craft show shoppers, but still.) It paralyzes me at times and literally leaves me hiding from my neighbors.  It’s mildly laughable, especially to Josh.  I have to laugh at myself about it because if not, I’ll hate myself.  I’ll give you an example of a (now) hilarious story that we always laugh about.  I went outside when we first moved here to get something from our car and the neighbors across the way were unloading their car.  I got soooo nervous and didn’t know what to say. All of a sudden word vomit came flooding out of my mouth and I ASKED THEM IF THEY WERE GOING CAMPING. WHAT?!?!?! They had bags in their hands and dress clothes on!  But for some reason my mind said, “Oh look, a backpack, a stroller, and a skirt. Clearly they’re on their way to a campsite.”  SOOO RIDICULOUS.  I laugh (and convulse) every time I even think of it.  So I can just envision myself at this show being like, “Oh hey, do you need this sign to hang inside your tent?” AH! Maybe my people skills are actually the demise of my small business endeavors. Who knows! Haha!

But anyways despite all of that.  I really do love people.  I really do love making things.  And I really do love being able to help provide for our family while getting to stay home with Rowan.  You can’t beat it.  It’s scary, risky, and not exactly steady, but there’s passion, drive, and lots of joy.  Josh kept asking if I was sick of painting yet and even after every day for a month and a half, I have still enjoyed myself.  I now have arthritis but my heart is happy!  Glennon from momastery.com always says, “pray and just show up.”  Put the hard work in like it depends on you and then just pray, show up, and leave the rest to God. You don’t have the skills you need to fulfill a task, just show up.  You don’t have a clue what you’re doing or going to do? Work hard and then just show up.  So that’s what I plan to do.  I worked hard and now I’m going to just show up…. for 3 days in a row I might add haha! I have no idea what to expect but I hope to meet people that I can impact or that somehow down the road My Paper Nest can impact them. Not going to lie, I have no clue how that’s going to look and honestly, it’s exhausting for me to be social with people I don’t know well.  I’m whooped afterwards. But I can handle smiles and hellos like a champ!!

So if you’re wondering if I have a point, I do, and here it is. I really need to stop being so hard on myself.  And you do too.  We need to stop doubting ourselves and living in fear. Worry is not a feeling God gives us.  Worry has Satan written all over it. Do you have a dream, a passion, or a tiny vision of something you’d love to do.  DO IT. Pray about how. Pray about how God can use you and the resources you DO have RIGHT NOW to serve Him.  I pray all of the time about how I can be used because half of the time I feel useless.  My Paper Nest was a little step in a positive direction for me.  I want it to be about Him and be an outlet for me to spread love and serve.  Do you constantly think about what others are thinking about you? I can’t do that because they’ll think I’m crazy or they’ll think I’m not a good mom, or co worker, or cook, OR WHATEVER! I fall victim to these thoughts daily.  It’s saddening to reflect on how often I do.  I’ve held myself hostage in my own home over these thoughts.  I don’t want Satan to win. I want to be an overcomer. A Conqueror.  In Romans 8 it talks about how Christ is always interceding for us and that nothing and no one can separate us from His love.  Through Him we are MORE than conquerors.  We are His.  He’ll show up and carry us through.  Through anxiousness, financial hardship, loneliness, fear, persecution, distress, or whatever it is that you are facing.  All of these things can make you feel so far from Him, but they do not stand in the way of your relationship with Christ.  Cling tight to Him and He will redeem you.  Our God is sovereign.  He goes before us.  He already knows your heart and has gone before you and made a way for you to leave an impact.  Big or small impact, it doesn’t matter. He sees them all the same.  We can take heart because He has overcome the world (John 16:33) and this includes all of the lies that we fill our hearts and minds with.  In Romans 8 it also says that all of the things we cannot do on our own (with the flesh) we can do with the Spirit (with Him).  If we set our mind on the Spirit we will have life and have peace.  Who doesn’t need some peace? Amen?!  I’m counting on Him for peace and to keep my social anxiety to a minimum. AND praying my off the wall comments are limited.  I think it’s safe to say that no one at this craft show just got back from a camping trip.

Friend, be honest with yourself.  Are you trying to do it all on your own, by the flesh? Or are you inviting Him in, asking for a peace that passes all understanding and a love that nothing can separate you from?  I’m hoping to do better at inviting Him in, because doing it all on my own, definitely has not worked out for me to this point. Read Romans 8 for yourself and let me know how it impacts you. You may need to read it once a week or once a day (like me) to remind yourself of His love for you but do what it takes.  You are His and He is Yours and don’t you forget it!

-Dana

Just a little added plug:

West Virginia Arts and Crafts Christmas Spectacular

Ruby Community Center at Mylan Park

Friday and Saturday 10-5, Sunday 10-4

A few extra sign sneak peeks below!

After the show you’ll be able to check out what’s leftover or what’s new to come at http://www.etsy.com/shop/mypapernest!