I can’t believe I haven’t written in almost a month.  August was a full month… our vacation to the Outer Banks, DIY projects, craft show prep, a sick baby, I digress… So Monday morning I started writing up a nice post that I planned to finish and post on Tuesday.  It was all about getting myself motivated in September, setting goals, and actually accomplishing all of the things that fell into the category of, “I’ll start that in September.”  Wellllllll then the rest of Monday happened and Tuesday happened. And lets just say it’s Dana- 0, This Week-2 (well until today because I made it through without needing to call the police… so technically I have 1 now! Woohoo!) To fill you in, Monday I needed to run to Target “real quick” -if that’s a thing- and I got out of the car, put my keys in the diaper bag next to me, locked the doors with the button the the driver’s side door, and then proceeded to shut the door WITH ROWAN STILL IN THE BACKSEAT. Now mind you, it’s 90 degrees at 11 AM and my child already sweats like a pig when there’s a chill in the air.  Holy meltdown-freakout-hyperventalation- tears- you get the picture. Well longing story short, 12 minutes, 1 police officer, 2 target employees, 5743859743 onlookers, and 1 husband later, Rowan was out and in my arms again.  Soaking wet but still smiling.  I have no idea how it happened. It was like in seconds I totally forgot what I always do and just screwed up royally. I always stick my keys in the bag, grab the bag, get Rowan, and then lock the car with the car key.  Why that didn’t happen this time is beyond me.  I was so upset with myself and now I’m even more upset with the people that think it’s ok to just let their babies sit in the car while they grab something real fast. WHAT?!?!

Now we can move on to Tuesday.  You had to call the police again, Dana? Why yes, yes I did.  My friend Christina and I finally decided we were going to make it to our yoga class. Since we go to a late class, we can park in this bank parking lot near the studio because it’s after hours.  I parked in the drive thru lanes just like I always do.  Well, last night I came out at 9pm and my car was gone.  There was a car parked exactly where I WAS parked and it blew my mind.  A girl that was in the class with us came out and got into THAT car and drove away.  I thought I was going crazy.  My first thought was that it was stolen, and then my next thought, which is more on the reality level in downtown Morgantown, is that it was towed.  Now this longggg story short, after talking to the police and searching Morgantown for the tow truck lot, we figured out my car had been towed.  They said I was blocking the ATM aka ‘ambulance’ lane at the bank.  There were some cars that parked perpendicular to me and our conclusion is that they should have been the one(s) towed because their butts were in the lane but Josh says maybe because I was the only one accessible to the tow truck and people could go around those other cars and still fit in the lane, is why they took me.  The really AWESOME (read CRAPPY) part of this story is that I had to pay $164.95 to buy my car back from them.  KILL. ME. NOW.

So needless to say, after returning home from my second traumatizing ordeal in two days I totally forgot about editing my post last night or even posting at all.  I went to bed with a heavy heart feeling overwhelmed, angry, embarrassed, frustrated, useless, and like this was the worst possible timing to have to dish out $164.95 (there would never be a good time for that).  Yes it’s funny in some ways and today I’m laughing at both situations but I wasn’t last night at 11pm.  I woke up today still wanting to stay curled up in a ball, afraid of what I might screw up today.  Satan has already been working hard on me lately with feeling like my purpose is undefined, this blog space is meaningless, finances suck, and living here is hard. And he found the perfect time to make his grand entrance while I was beating myself up over these recent mishaps.

This morning I did not want to read my Bible while Rowan napped, I wanted to drown my sorrows in Ellen, butttt I read it anyway.  I opened right up to Esther, chapter 4 and almost turned the page because I just finished reading that book of the Bible for a study I did, but something kept me there.  I remembered that this was one of my favorite parts of her whole story so I went back to my notes to review and what I found just blew me away.  I don’t know why it did because, by now, I should know that God is bigger than all of this.

In Esther 4:14 it says “…and who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Mordecai was speaking these words over her life because he saw God’s purpose in Esther’s life.  He was proclaiming the truth.  And can I just say Esther is awesome.  She could have run because she was uncomfortable, scared, and discouraged, but she didn’t.  She was in a place away from everyone and everything she knew, where she never imagined she’d be. BUT she stayed because she knew she was right where she NEEDED to be, in the place God wanted her.  She had been created for that moment.

I started comparing myself to Esther and thinking about how I would have responded and honestly I didn’t have to think hard because here I am in Morgantown, 3 years later, and sometimes I still feel like I’m in a far away place, I never imagined being.  And I still sometimes lose my cool about having to be away from “home.”  MOVE ON, DANA. I know.  Just give me the cheese to go with my whine.  But the next part of this devotion hit the nail on the head.  God has me (and you) exactly where He wants us. Where you are right now is your “kingdom.”  I can try pretend that this 5 year blurb of chaos doesn’t exist, where cars get towed and husbands work long, but it does. And there is purpose to it.

I want to share a piece of what Elisabeth had to say…

“We all have different “kingdoms.” Each of us has been lead to a different destination, by a different path, journeying through unique circumstances to get where we are today. Where you are right now—where He has you in each moment—that is your kingdom. That very place is the piece of God’s Kingdom that He has entrusted to you. Whether you believe your kingdom is substantial or completely irrelevant, it is still yours and it is still His. You are still His. He has brought you here on your journey for such a time as this… We are like Esther in many ways, trying to make sense of what the Lord’s will is in our lives. It is only with His strength that we make the decision to say “yes” right where He’s called us. Esther could have, without thinking twice, decided she was too scared or anxious to take her request before the King—but she said yes.”

I want to say yes to being positive even when I want to be SO ANNOYED, yes to being productive instead of just busy, yes to being intentional instead of accidental, and yes to being confident instead of living in fear. I want to be obedient like Esther where “…her silent following of God was met with favor and influence.”  God’s hand is so evident in her journey and I want it to be evident in mine.  If He placed this blog on my heart, I’m going to write, even if only one person in Alaska reads my words.  I’m going to reach out instead of bunkering down for the next 2 years in that curled up ball I mentioned earlier.  We did not end up where we are, in our current situations, on our own.  God chose us.  But we have to choose how we react and if we will complete the tasks He sets before us.  “God gives us purpose in this very moment, and in this kingdom.” Our job is to seek him with our whole hearts, call upon Him, and pray to Him.

Where are you right now? What has God given you as your “kingdom?” What do you need to overcome and bring to the Lord in prayer that feels too big? What’s that barrier that has you curling up in a ball and possibly missing your “for such a time as this” moment?

 

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  Isaiah 49:9-10

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

 

ANDDD here are a few pics after our Target incident.  And yes that’s all sweat on Rowan and me all disheveled. My poor buddy! And he clung to Daddy after, probably afraid to be left with his unfit mother! HA! Just kidding. He always hugs Josh like that. Daddy always gets hugs and Mommy always gets the kisses.  Thank you, God, for protecting my sweet boy!